Author: Tammie Myers Sharp

How many times has your faith been rocked by someone who is supposed to be a Christian? We all need to remember not to confuse God, who loves us unconditionally, with the church who does not.  In addition, the church is made up of sinners, of human beings who struggle to be God like.

I struggled with understanding the love of God into my 30’s.  I know my earthly father loved me although he struggled to say it.  His actions are what allowed me to know he loved me.  But my dad was pretty hands off when we were small.  I was 5 when my parent’s divorce was finalized.  Back in those days it was a given that the mom was awarded custody and the dad visitation in most circumstances.  My dad could of had us every weekend but said no every other weekend would be okay.  I can’t even tell you today how I know that, but I do.  There were times in my life where that knowledge was hard.  As an adult that had her children 24×7 for close to 10 months out of 12, I saw it a little differently.  My point is that my relationship with my dad dictated a lot of my relationship with my Heavenly Father.  About 20 years later I’ve grown in that understanding A LOT!

Just as my relationship with my dad affected how I viewed God, things that happen with people do too.  It causes questions like: Why do Christians live together, isn’t that a sin? Why was that person harsh with me, aren’t they a Christian?  Why did that Christian say something so hurtful to me? Why doesn’t the church see my need and do something?  I could go on for days, but you don’t want to read that long!

We are all humans.  I promise you that you’ve sinned, probably even today.  I promise you, that you have been harsh with someone, some time, some place.  I promise you that you have said something hurtful to someone, and maybe you had NO CLUE that it was hurtful.  Sometimes the church doesn’t really know we have a need…. we have to speak up! Sometimes they can’t or choose not to help and they have their reasons, right or wrong.  God, our Heavenly Father, is not the church nor any of these people that have wronged you, hurt your or ignored you.

Jer 29:13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all of your heart.

Above all seek God.  Don’t confuse Him with the church.  Seek to understand how He is there waiting to love on you, to be there for you.  He’s there to answer your prayers.  We do have to understand that He knows best.  That what we think we want or should have may not be what He has in mind.  It takes looking back to understand that.  To look at circumstances in our life where we were spared from something and it could have only been God that protected us.  Times where He blessed us! Times where we felt Him. Times where someone was His hands and feet helping us.  I encourage you to take an inventory and see where God has been present in your life and what that meant.

Father, help us to seek You, to have your grace towards the humans we share this life with.  Help us to see your blessings, the times the footprints in the sand were yours because you were carrying us.  Help us to seek you with all our heart so that we may truly find You.  Amen

2017 has been a rough year for many people that I know.  Mine has been a big roller coaster year.  There was all the craziness of things with a terminally ill loved one.  April was especially hard with all that led up to Rob passing away on April 28th.

Then there was time off work, my daughter’s wedding, and I did some traveling.  I tried to get back into work, and had a work trip.  Suddenly, it’s Thanksgiving…. My children and I get through that.   Kept it simple.  Suddenly Christmas is here and we manage to get through that without too much trauma…. at least we are doing what we can to honor Rob, to move forward as he would want us to do, to be happy that he’s in Heaven.  He’s out of pain and I always think of him fishing with Jesus.  As the days go by, I notice I’m more “blue”….. I stay up late watching Hallmark movies, not wanting to go to bed.  Then of course I don’t want to get up in the mornings.  I’m taking dance lessons, which I love.  Working on my own health.  Surviving… I guess that’s a good word…. surviving.  I often say “As good as can be expected”.

At this moment it’s 1:03 on January 1, 2018.  I can’t see the screen well as I type through my tears (I keep reading the script over and over, worried about typos, wrong spellings of words or misuse of words in my traumatic state).  My group of dance friends threw together a New Year’s Eve Party tonight. We had learned that one of our favorite bands happened to be available.  It’s been a lovely evening.  I’m all dressed up (having sat down to write this blog as soon as I got home), I was with friends.  There has been much talk by myself and others how ready we are to say goodbye to 2017 and how we have been praying for 2018 to be a much better year.  We know God is faithful and that our trials have purpose, but sometimes you are just ready for a fresh start.  It’s 11:56 and many have glasses of champagne and we are all ready to toast the New Year, and suddenly I’m not…… I’m not ready to say goodbye to 2017.  Saying goodbye to 2017 is all of sudden like saying goodbye to Rob all over again.  The lead singer of the band is young…. and he started “Auld Lang Syne” early instead of singing just after we all toasted the New Year…. probably wouldn’t have mattered for me.  The tears would have come then anyway.  The emotion is strong and saying goodbye to 2017 is very, very painful.

Now as I reflect on all this my tears are stopping, my heartache is easing as I realize that my Heavenly Father knows this pain. His only Son died, so that I could have eternity with the Father instead of the damnation I deserve.  He knows the grief.  Not only does He know the grief, He willingly subjected himself to it because He LOVES us that much.  I cannot fathom that…. but I am calmed by knowing that He knows my grief and that I am loved.

The sun will come up in the morning and we will have a new day to make the best of.  I’m going to claim that it will be better than expected.  It is 2018, it is okay to say goodbye to 2017 and to hope for all that 2018 can be.

Father, help me to see you through the darkness of grief and letting go.  Help me to move forward as Rob would want me to, while honoring him along the way.  Help me to show others the path to you.

I don’t read much these days, it’s like my mind can’t concentrate that much.  However, I still enjoy listening to books.  Recently I played Dee Henderson’s “Danger in the Shadows” book again (yes I like listening more than once!)  It’s about a daughter of a high-profile person, who was kidnapped at a very young age.  A phrase caught my mind “she was rescued from the dark root cellar after 9 days to a beautiful sunrise from God”.  To a beautiful sunrise from God resonated with me because I’ve been in my own darkness of late.

My darkest days are because this is my first Christmas and New Year’s as a widow. I’m missing making the meal together and entertaining extended family, or going to be with extended family.  Missing him making me cry “in a good way”, something he loved to do by surprising me with a softly spoken compliment or special gift. Christmas Eve service was a tear jerker.  I love songs about Christ’s sacrifice for us or about Heaven, but these days the tears start and just don’t stop.

I’ve lost many people in my life.  I was very close to both of my Grandmother’s, my mom’s mom was more like a mother to me for various reason (we’ll leave that to another blog), she passed in 1993.  I lost my dad in 1998, his dad in 2001 and his mom in 2005, and my mom in 2007.  I don’t think I’ve ever thought about Heaven so much as I have because of losing my husband.

John 14:2-4 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.

Just now as I typed I misspelled “place”.  When I right clicked to correct it, Word gave me three choices with their definition.  The first definition of place was “home”.  Jesus went to prepare our HOME.  One of my GriefShare sessions said that the Bible doesn’t say much about Heaven because we cannot begin to imagine how wonderful it is there, but I can imagine the most welcoming, warm, comfortable home I’ve ever known.  When I realize Heaven is trillions more special than that, I can turn my darkness to joy over knowing that Rob is there.

I also know God holds me in His loving arms, as my Daddy, and as my husband now.  Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

How is God comforting you in your darkest valley?

Father, it’s easy to see you in the beauty, in the sunlight, in times of good and plenty, and in times of joy.  Help us to feel You in the dark, in the valley, to rest in your arms and in your peace.  Amen

Many would say my life is tragic, and sometimes it feels that way. My parents separated when I was four and were divorced by the time I was five. Then my mom married Terry and my sister Shawna was born. Two days before I turned 18; I got married, my mom and Terry split up, and my 16-year-old brother left home.

Two children were born to the marriage of my youth and after 17 years of dealing with a narcissistic man, I divorced him and walked away. The affairs and emotional abuse were too much, and I wasn’t going to be able to be a healthy mother to my children.

I was single for 5 1/2 years, working on myself to be healthy and find a healthy partner in life. I met my second husband just after turning 40. He seemed like a great guy with a beautiful home, no debt and a good relationship with his daughters. And it was all lies, and my part in the relationship was letting him rush me to the altar. Seven years later it ended because you can’t build something on a house of lies with an unwilling partner to make changes.

Shortly there after I met a lovely gentleman who was 16 years older than I am. We were the king and queen of the dance floor and he truly treated me like a lady. However he drank too much, so I ended up walking away from the relationship.

Months after that I met Rob Sharp, the love of my life. This was just before I turned 50. Six short years later, two days after by 56th birthday, he entered Hospice. He passed away 4 days later on April 28. A couple of weeks later, I learned that the king of my dance floor died eight short days later. It’s very obvious that at this time I am supposed to be single.

My dad passed away when I was 35, and my mom a short 11 years later when I was 46. There are other deaths that impacted my life, like my mom’s grandfather dying on Christmas Day when I was 11 or so, and her grandmother passing away near my 17th birthday. I lost all three of the grandparents I knew, before I was 44.

Tragic, it could be thought so. I’m the strongest person most people know…so I’m told. It’s not true! I am not strong, it is my God who is strong. HE whom is my fortress and protector. He is my Potter molding me and shaping me, through life’s hardships, through those refining fires of the kiln we all call life.  Pottery only becomes beautiful when it’s been through the fiery furnace of the kiln…. and usually not just one trip through!   What is your fiery kiln?  How has it molded and shaped you? What beauty do you see from your experience?  …. It’s there, it really is.  If you don’t see it, ask God to reveal it to you.

I’m strong through each time that my life is a fiery kiln because I know my Lord and Savior is working to make me more beautiful inside, more compassionate for others, more loving, more in His image.

Jermiah 18:1-4 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.”  So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel.  But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.

Father, may I always trust, even when I don’t understand, your shaping of my life.  May I always look for the beauty that will come of the fiery kiln of the trials and tribulations that come in this life.  May my telling of these trials and tribulations always glorify you and bring others into the loving folds of your arms.  Amen

Today would have been my 5th Wedding Anniversary to Rob Sharp, the love of my life, except that melanoma took him home to Heaven on April 28th of this year (2017).  People tell me I’m so strong and such an inspiration to them. I believe it’s because of my deep faith roots that they see this. God is my Potter molding and shaping me, but pottery only becomes strong and beautiful after the fiery kiln. Likewise, the Potter (my favorite name for God) refines us through the fires of life.  The Potter has made me beautiful, and the strength people see is from Him.  Grace Under Pressure will take you through the fiery kiln/journey of my life, and I’m sure you’ll see some of your own journey as well.  May you find more strength, inspiration and your own grace. Jer 29:11