Author: Tammie Myers Sharp

Two weeks ago I put in a prayer request at Sunday School, for safe travel for my son who was leaving on June 13th to go to Amman, Jordan for a 4 week archeological dig, then he will fly to Israel for a week before coming home. So, I asked for safety while he’s there as well. It is a trip of a lifetime, and he really wanted to go 7 or 8 years ago, so it’s definitely a bucket list fulfilled.

This past Sunday, I sat down my purse and then went to the ladies room before class started. I came back to a lovely bouquet of silk flowers wrap in tissue paper, with this note attached: “Tammie, You and Brian are both being prayed for daily. Safety for Brian and comfort for you while he is away!” The note is unsigned.

What amazed me, although it shouldn’t, was it was as if they had read between the line about me being a little anxious while he’s gone. Having lost my husband about 13 1/2 months ago, I will now be alone for 6 weeks, but I didn’t say that in the prayer request. I did say to pray for me because I’m on puppy duty while he’s gone.

I believe God directs the thoughts of other people to know what we need to hear. And my dear friends, that means He directs us too!

There are so many ways to reach out to someone and tell them you are thinking of them and praying for them. Cards are great, e-cards too. But there are so many fun things we can do: paint a rock with flowers or to look like a lady bug, but a packet of seeds (if you think they would plant them), food of some sort, somethings a little cash is great. For me the flowers are perfect! It’s an easy visualization for me to remember we are both being prayed for. It’s big enough to easily see, without being too much. While it’s simply put together, and it has class.

Proverbs 11:24-25 One person gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

I like the very last line of this verse: whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. I like it because I felt refreshed with my flowers yesterday! And because it is so true…. you can not out give God! You will be refreshed if you choose to refresh or be generous with someone else.

Father, pleas help us to listen for unsaid things in others that we might write an encouraging word to them! Help us to be generous, to give freely; to understand we can do the smallest thing to do Your will, to refresh others. Then help us to multiply it and do it at every opportunity.

Yesterday I heard a beautiful story about a 50 year old man who had been given up for adoption. Twenty years ago he had reached out to his biological mom and she wanted nothing to do with him. Recently he did ancestry.com and had a match with a father, but all he knew was initials.

He did more research and found his father. His father was apologetic even though he never even knew he had a child from that relationship.

I’ve also been journaling and working on gratitude. I’ve been grieving my parents a lot this summer as well. Next month it will be 11 years since my mom passed and in December, 20 since I lost my daddy. In my gratefulness I’m grateful for the following:

1. That my parents were from families of faith that didn’t believe in abortion.
2. That my parents chose to raise me instead of give me up for adoption. My mom was 17 and my dad was 21.
3. I’m grateful that my dad married my mom rather than leaving it to her to raise me as a single mom.
4. I’m grateful that even though I was 5 when they divorced, they loved me individually well.
5. I’m grateful that my mom invited my dad to Christmas when I was 20, because I had so little time home. I was able to spend more time with both of them and my maternal grandmother. Some additional sense of family found that day! It was my best earthly Christmas gift ever (I have another blog about that.)

I just read a blog from Tricia Lott Williford (now Heyer) and she gave us the words to the song “The Dad he didn’t have to be” by Brad Paisley and posted beautiful pictures of her new husband being a great dad to her two boys that lost their dad when they were itty bitty. The minute I read the title I was in tears because I had something else to be grateful for: Rob my late husband was a great dad to my adult children in the 6 years we had together. He gave his blessing to my daughter and now son-in-love, and my son is currently on the trip of a lifetime in Amman Jordan doing an archeological dig because of Rob’s generosity. What are you grateful for this Father’s day?

Thanks daddy for loving me in so many ways. I’m grateful your salvation was assured before you left this earth. There will be a beautiful reunion in Heaven someday.

PS 50:23 “The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!”

Father, as I was reminded recently, we can’t be grateful and angry at the same time. Help us all to be grateful for the rich, rich blessings of our lives. Thank you for my dad (and my mom and the rich layers of grandparents) you blessed me with. May others find abundance in their lives to be grateful for.

I’ve never read the book “Beautiful Mess: Motherhood for Every Moment” by Sherry Surratt and Tracy Eyester, but I heard a pitch about it once. What I remember was the idea that there are really special friends in your life that you would open the door and welcome them in to your home when the couch is piled with laundry, the dishes are stacked in the sink and the children have destroyed the house. But you trust that woman. That time in our life was a beautiful mess, especially if you’re now looking back at how quickly the years flew by.

Five years ago, I had a group of friends from the early 90’s find each other and start getting together for dinner. We had all met through the church we attended. We found our lives were still beautiful messes, but we were the women that we each would allow through the door. That we could share the hardships of divorce, children on drugs, children dealing with mental problem and suicide issues, and our own health issues. It was a very sweet beautiful mess every time we met to share a meal and catch up on life.

This last Friday evening I experienced another beautiful mess. A dear friend held a wine tasting party and then because it was such a beautiful evening we had a fire on her deck. I had intended to leave and go dancing. We all kept saying “oh my it’s ____ I need to go home” (starting about 10,) but we kept sharing beautiful messes until it was 12:45 when we left! (Seriously, we all left together, no one wanted the evening to end.) When you feel safe to share, safe to be vulnerable and safe to be loved on; beautiful messes become very sweet times.

Who do you share your beautiful mess with? Think you can’t do that? You should learn how. It was the best group therapy for over 4 hours! There were 7 of us and we all had a lot to get off our hearts. A lot to be unburdened from. A lot to realize we aren’t alone in the struggle of this thing we call our life. Things we don’t need to be proud of because someone else thinks we are a rock star for! Things we aren’t alone in and thus we need to remove any shame from our thoughts or just the realization that someone else is there/has been there and I’m going to be okay. That we all have a daily struggle!

Phil 2:1-5 Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2 then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. 3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus

Father, help us to understand that you gave us each other to be in community with, to be authentic with, to love. Help us to know that when we have the mindset of Jesus and we are experiencing life with a person who has the mindset of Jesus, that it’s safe to share our deepest wounds, secrets, hurts, fears and even funnies. That together we are better and You are glorified. Amen

I wrote the following on May 23rd: This is how I’ve been feeling until yesterday when my heart woke up and it felt so broken. For a little bit it’s easier to feel like you wished it had stayed frozen. However, when you take the risk to share your heartbreak with a couple of people, then for me, to write a blog… for you? Please learn what it is that helps you, it changes everything. I was even able to be there for someone else yesterday.

Then today I awake early, I get around quicker with a lighter step. My heart still hurts in my chest but it’s also lighter. You would almost think I’ve been on a medication regimen that just kicked in, by the difference I’m feeling. While I have been working on my nutrition, my other tips for sleeping better haven’t been working well, and I haven’t had such good willpower lately. So, I can’t attribute today over yesterday to anything in that realm, because it’s too night and day different,

Today is June 7th and I’m just finishing this blog. It’s been more roller coaster days in between. So many things trigger grief, and it’s at so many levels from just feeling blue to the gut wrenching tears. I feel like it’s almost like being bi-polar (I know some about that as I have family with the diagnosis), look up and read the second paragraph again. If that isn’t a manic phase, I don’t know what is. But isn’t this the truth of life for most people in some form? Because we all have grief in many forms. Grieving over a lost job, loss of family and dreams due to divorce, loss of dreams because _____, loss of trust because of betrayals big and small, loss of faith because of expectations, and loss of ____________. What is causing your roller coaster?

I could list many Bible verses for this post because there are so many stories in the Bible where I believe you could say they were on a roller coaster. Abraham comes to mind…. he waited years for God to bring His promise to Abraham into existence with the birth of Isaac. THEN God asked him to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham was willing and at the last second God provided the sacrifice. Can you imagine that roller coaster?

Gen 22:13-14 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”

Father help us to have the faith of Abraham. Faith that would allow us to put whatever we value most on the altar, knowing that you are in control. Help us to give our roller coasters over to You. To know that You have a ram in a thicket nearby – the peace and comfort we need.

It’s not a sisterhood that any of us want to belong to. Yet it is a sense of bonding that happens. I’ve found this to be especially true when you know the person. I had a deeply moving episode this last Sunday.

We lost a valuable member of our Sunday School class on Memorial Day. He and his wife were out for a hike. He fell and hit his head and passed away by 6 pm that evening. All I could think is that I wanted to give his wife, my friend, a big hug. I kept thinking about sending a card, but I just wanted to hug her.

I didn’t even think about whether or not I would see her in Sunday School. So when I spied someone else hugging her, the tears were in my eyes and my breath was caught in my throat. The sadness at her loss was strong and I couldn’t keep it in. Her eyes connected with mine and she could see the sorrow in them and was in tears herself. It was as if the unspoken words “I know the journey you’re just beginning” were known to her and her eyes said back to me “I now fully understand the journey you’ve been on this past year.”

I gave her that big hug as we cried into each other’s shoulder for a few seconds. I suggested we do dinner and cry together because it helps. Then we parted as I told her I loved her. Sunday School would begin shortly, and of course there were others that wanted to greet her. I grabbed a napkin and wiped my tears.

They wanted me to pray for our requests that day but I had to say “not this time, I will cry again as we pray for her and I might not recover.” I probably would, but you know how that goes…. who knows how many would be crying if the person praying breaks down. Not that it would be a bad thing, but we did have a lesson to get to. Lord willing there will be another time for me to pray.

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

‭‭Psalm‬ ‭147:3‬ ‭NIV‬‬

Father, help me to lean into Your binding of my wounds, to give you my pain that comes with a broken heat. Help us all to learn the lesson of being your hands and feet. Whether it is giving of money or a simple hug, may we understand its importance. And may we realize that we gain more than we give, even with a simple hug, or a look into the eyes of another beloved child of yours.

I’ve had roller coaster days of grief for over a year now, for years really…. my mom has been gone 11 years this July and my dad 20 years this December. I feel like I’m grieving them all over again these days too.

But today I feel like my heart has come out of a coma, like it can suddenly feel all the pain of losing my husband. Yesterday was the anniversary of his service. It was far worse than any of the other firsts! Maybe because the anniversary of the day of his passing signaled the end of the firsts to my mind and it wasn’t true. Maybe because I’m going to Alaska, something we dreamed of together, but I’m going without him. Maybe because experience tells the experts the second year is harder, and it’s really true as much as you tell yourself you’ve done a good job grieving and working through your grief, and so it will be different for you. Maybe because life has to go on as much as we subconsciously don’t want it to. Maybe???

I just know the floods gates are open like never before (I promise, I have not to date cried like this….. guess that should have been my first clue that all was not as I thought.) My heart literally hurts in my chest.

But beautifully, God is always there! He designed that yesterday I would talk and cry with a long time friend, whom I met when she was a young widow, with very young children who are now grown. We haven’t talked in forever and it was truly a business call in both our minds, and God had other plans. Today I’m talking to a brand new friend who was also a young widow. Months ago she was at a networking meeting and her heart connected with mine, but the fruit of that didn’t happen until last Thursday when we were at the meeting together again. She made sure to find me after and schedule with me. We scheduled for today. Neither of us knowing how much I would need to talk with her TODAY.

God works in our lives everyday, we just miss a lot or even most of it! Sometimes, it is blatant and we can’t ignore it. I’m afraid most of the time we are too busy and just don’t see it. Maybe this says it best:

Ephesians 3:20 As the facets of His character are infinite, so the ways God provides for us are beyond anything we can ask or imagine.

Father, I’m so grateful for the ways you love on me and provide for my emotional needs. Especially for the times I never even recognize your provision, but also for the times when there is just no doubt that you aligned it all. Amen.

We all have history in our life. It’s important to look at that history and take stock of what it meant to our life, how it molded and shaped our life, or just blessed us.

Good examples are lessons from very special people in our lives (Grandmothers, parents, teachers and mentors). There are other harder things in our life that shape us, but reveal the village of support we have in our life. Then there are just pure blessings that God just sends our way!

Have you looked to see where God was in these circumstances? It’s very easy to see God in good circumstances, in times of joy and fun. However, people often feel abandoned when circumstances are difficult, like God isn’t present. Or even that God isn’t loving, if what I wanted didn’t come true.

I choose to look at hard circumstances in my life and see what people God put there during that time. (I started this practice while doing Henry Blackaby’s “Experiencing God” Bible study.) I used to be truly amazed at what I would find when I reflected. Now it’s become a matter of expectation, a matter of knowing my Heavenly Father is there just as I’m there for my children here on earth. As adults my children have to call me and let me know they need me, but when they were little I would often see their need and react before they asked. God wants us to call out to Him just like we want people to ask us for help. He’s always already there, just like our spouse, a parent, a child or a best friend is by our side or a phone call away. Many times however, it’s the person or people – literally strangers – He sends our way.

This happened recently with my car. I was totally rescued by the wife who helped me know where to take the car, drove me to work and then arranged for her husband (who works two blocks away from me) to take me back to my car at the end of the day. They were people of faith, but they just as easily might have been good people who don’t claim faith. God uses everyone whether they know it or not. We who have faith, have a greater responsibility to be His hands and feet.

1 Peter 4:10

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace

Simply put God has blessed each of us with money, skills, kindness and love. We are to be good stewards of that, as well as to be present to the fact that others are doing that for us!

Father, may we see your handiwork in the threads of our lives, the stepping stones of people that You have brought in to our lives. These stones that have led the path to people we are today. May we appreciate more fully the stones that are to come in our path, our journey, that we call life.

It was a year ago during the presentation of The Thorn, an Easter play, at our church that my faith was taken to a different level. Even deep faith sometimes questions…. for me it was the question of “Am I silly to believe in God?”

The question came because life was once again difficult. I’ve come to learn that everyone has hardships in their life. No one is spared. Sometimes it just feels like too much, but I know that if life were easy we would never turn to God. I can’t even tell you the specific time frame or circumstances that caused me to have the question. For me it was a fleeting thought. I’m guessing because of my deep faith, because of other things God has done in my life. Still, I had the thought, I had the question.

I don’t hear from God often in what I would describe as a VERY clear definitive voice. Maybe I don’t sit still and listen enough. However, one year ago today sitting in a play watching the passion week being portrayed ….. the week that culminated in the crucifixion of Jesus, I heard three separate times “he will see Jesus soon”. Many things in the Bible happened three times or were three in number. I think it was three times so I would make that connection and truly know it was God speaking to me, not just my own mind.

“Soon” turned out to be 33 days later. I did some things to make sure he had visits with family, made decisions to keep him as comfortable as I could. Being able to do that is a bonus to having my faith confirmed, which gave me peace that passes understanding (just like that hymn of old). When those 33 days came to an end, I knew he was in the arms of Jesus and that I will see him again. It changes everything!

My “he will see Jesus soon” is like getting a hug, a wink, a pat on the back or a kiss on the cheek from God!

Many things in caring for an ill loved one or in going through a hardship of life, cause PTSD symptoms. It’s hard not to recall the memory and feel the devastation of the moment. It’s wonderful to have this memory, a memory that touched me in a way that nothing else could.

Father, may we ever trust our faith, because you are so faithful to us. We do not know the “why” of many things in life and if even if we did have the answer, it wouldn’t mean we would understand. I pray that we learn to listen better…. listen for the still small voice, Your voice in the Word and Your voice through our brothers and sisters in the faith. Amen

To me the hardest thing about grief is that you occasionally get this feeling of “I’m okay, life is okay, I’m living again.”  Then wham you are mired in grief once again.  I seem to experience two versions of this.

Little versions.  Times when I’m just having several good days in a row, when I’m getting tasks like house cleaning caught up and I generally feel good.  Then something will be a reminder and bring the tears.

BIG VERSIONS Times when you really, really feel like you are making progress, like there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  Then a big heart wrenching brokenness hits you again.

I’m coming up to just a about 5 weeks until the first anniversary of Rob’s homecoming to Heaven.  I’ve been having some hard days.  I’ve even been tremendously sad that it was around this time last year when I admitted for the first time to myself, that we weren’t going to win the earthly battle.  That he was indeed going to go meet Jesus face to face.  It’s hard to remember those moments.  There is a PTSD quality to those memories.

I live in the memory for a bit, I shed some tears and feel the pain in my heart.  Then I choose to be grateful for all God has given me, specifically the time he gave me with Rob.  We met because of God’s plan.  Almost nothing in our lives would have made our paths cross. There is a very remote possibility that we might have attended some church event at the same time.  Very remote.  So, only God!

The truth is that I am also making progress in my grief.  I go to a GriefShare recovery group and I can tell in my notes, in some journaling I did, in my conversations with my friends and family, that I am doing better.  I’m also realistic about there being hard days ahead yet.

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

Father, may we realize that all that happens in our life is part of the good work you began in each of us and that you will bring it to it’s fullness.  Help us to understand that each of us has a different time frame for our fullness.  Help us to be grateful for the trials in this life that mold and shape us, and bring us closer to you.  Amen

I was in church a Sunday or two before Thanksgiving and they announced a Mission Trip to Alaska. I already knew my friend who went last year was leading this years trip. But on this particular Sunday I was standing next to her as my heart was pricked to consider going on this trip.

Then my brain had to kick in… Rob loved to go fishing in Alaska. Did I want to go just to see his fishing place? (On Saturday we get to go to Turnaround Arm, which is part of Cook Inlet one of the places Rob fished.) Did I want to go just to do something with my friend?

I had told my friend last year, that going would change her life forever and it did. I know it will also change me. I know I’ve wanted to do a mission trip for a long time, and that Rob and I had discussed doing one. I know I’m leaning into God this year, and it seemed appropriate to partner with Him in this way.

I think it will be a very emotional time for me, but I think it will be a very healing time as well. All of that will be on top of teaching children about God’s mercy and forgiveness! Teaching them how Jesus gave his life for us and making crafts with them to help them remember (I love crafts!) To help them learn that they can always ask for His forgiveness and how important it is to forgive others.

Our memory verse is: 1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from unrighteousness.

Please pray for our team, our trip and all the hearts (ours included) that will be touched by this effort. If you would be interested in helping me, or my team, with fundraising you can follow this link: https://southeastcc.ccbchurch.com/goto/forms/264/responses/new

Father, please be with the health and welfare of our team as we seek to be your hands and feet in Alaska. Please prepare the hearts of the children and families we will be teaching your word. Help us through stories and crafts, to show them Your mercy, grace and forgiveness. Amen