I wrote the following on May 23rd: This is how I’ve been feeling until yesterday when my heart woke up and it felt so broken. For a little bit it’s easier to feel like you wished it had stayed frozen. However, when you take the risk to share your heartbreak with a couple of people, then for me, to write a blog… for you? Please learn what it is that helps you, it changes everything. I was even able to be there for someone else yesterday.
Then today I awake early, I get around quicker with a lighter step. My heart still hurts in my chest but it’s also lighter. You would almost think I’ve been on a medication regimen that just kicked in, by the difference I’m feeling. While I have been working on my nutrition, my other tips for sleeping better haven’t been working well, and I haven’t had such good willpower lately. So, I can’t attribute today over yesterday to anything in that realm, because it’s too night and day different,
Today is June 7th and I’m just finishing this blog. It’s been more roller coaster days in between. So many things trigger grief, and it’s at so many levels from just feeling blue to the gut wrenching tears. I feel like it’s almost like being bi-polar (I know some about that as I have family with the diagnosis), look up and read the second paragraph again. If that isn’t a manic phase, I don’t know what is. But isn’t this the truth of life for most people in some form? Because we all have grief in many forms. Grieving over a lost job, loss of family and dreams due to divorce, loss of dreams because _____, loss of trust because of betrayals big and small, loss of faith because of expectations, and loss of ____________. What is causing your roller coaster?
I could list many Bible verses for this post because there are so many stories in the Bible where I believe you could say they were on a roller coaster. Abraham comes to mind…. he waited years for God to bring His promise to Abraham into existence with the birth of Isaac. THEN God asked him to sacrifice Isaac. Abraham was willing and at the last second God provided the sacrifice. Can you imagine that roller coaster?
Gen 22:13-14 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”
Father help us to have the faith of Abraham. Faith that would allow us to put whatever we value most on the altar, knowing that you are in control. Help us to give our roller coasters over to You. To know that You have a ram in a thicket nearby – the peace and comfort we need.
Grace Under Pressure 